As anyone who has seen my show knows, the bulk of material in the show comes from you, the audience. Each year I tell the stories in my show of the things that happened over the previous year. I am fond of saying weird things happen when you swallow swords. Below are some of my favorite stories of things that have come up during shows. I can’t remember everything that happens, honestly I can’t even remember all the ones I've used in the show over the years, so if you have a favorite send it in and I’ll see about including it.
            Thank all of you for letting my dream come true!

"Shush Da"

This has become my favorite travel story and though it has nothing to do with sword swallowing I often tell it during the warm up portion of the show. So when I was asked by a fan to post it here on the stories page, I figured why not. Enjoy.

While in Ireland last summer I was in a bathroom, (I happened to be in a stall because as the children’s book says “everyone poops”), and into the next stall came a young boy.

I never saw him but I am guessing that he was around 5 or 6 years old. As soon as he sat on the loo he began to sing the way little kids sometimes do. I remembered when my children would do the same thing and thought it was very cute.

After a few moments his father came into washroom and said “Sean, hurry up Sean!”

The boy responded to his father by saying “Shush Da, I’m having a crap!”

It was all I could do not to bust out laughing.

"Set It On Fire!"

In December of 1999, I was performing a Dickens Christmas Faire in Alachua Florida. It was a very sweet but small event, and the weather forecast had been terrible leading into the weekend, so attendance was light.
I gathered a small crowd to the stage, and got the show going. The question and answer part of the show went well and it was time to swallow the first sword.
Just as I got the sword positioned above my head a man in the back of the audience shouted “Set it on fire!” I looked out at him and he said “It ain’t Nothin’ less you set it on fire!”
Trying to quiet him I responded, “Metal only burns at a very high temperature.” To which my new friend replied “ Wrap it in paper, set it on fire!”

That's Not A Sword

At the start of a show I always ask if there are any non-believers, with out fail at least one person will raise their hand.

One day at the 2001 Arizona renaissance Festival the only hand to go up was that of a boy about10 or 12 years old, always dangerous.
I asked him what he thought, did they fold up or did I have a fake throat? With absolute conviction he replied, “I don’t think there sharp!”

“Of course there not sharp, you can’t swallow a sharp sword more then once.”

“Well then you should call it metal stick swallowing!”

From The Mouth Of Babes

Some time shortly after the release of the film “Field of Dreams” I was performing at the Ohio Renaissance Festival and trying to gather a crowd, and not having much luck.

A little boy in the front row, anxious for me to begin, suggested, “If you swallow they will come.”

He had no idea what he was saying, but every one else found the humor in it.

It's All In Your Minds

Swallowing a thirty-six inch balloon seems to bring out the worst in people, especially towards the end of the day when they have had a few beers. Often people shout out things that are neither clever nor appropriate.

However in Arizona in 2001 one person found away to get the point across quite well. As I raised the balloon and began to but it in my mouth, He said in a very calm and mono-tone voice over the crowd, “So what are you thinking about?”

Say no more, say no more.

Kids

At Scarborough Faire in Texas once upon a time, that means it didn’t happen yesterday, a little boy raised his hand to ask, “If you screw up can I have your head?”
What kind of cartoons was he watching?

Over The Top

On a Saturday morning in Carolina in 2002, I was doing a show and as soon as I began to run the drill up my noose a women in the front row began to loose it. Looking away, screaming. She was just over the top.
Well to me that was like blood in the water, I had to have more.
So I took her husbands glasses, and a soon as she realized the glasses where also headed up my nose it started all over again. Only this time she said, “No! No! I have a thing about germs! Ok, just let me get ready first.”
So she began to dig through her purse, pulling out handi wipes and baby wipes. “Ok, I’m ready.” She said.
I got the glasses up my nose and she was a mess, but laughing the whole time. So it was all fun and games, until…I took the glasses out and, looking her straight in the eye, put them into my mouth to lick them clean.
Right then she lost it completely. She but her hand to her mouth and started to retch. She got up and ran to a fence by the side of the stage. From the stage I could not see what was happening. But I soon heard the reaction from the part of the audience that could.
Things became a little tense with the audience, as they knew I had pushed this woman to far. But she turned around and came right back to her seat laughing. All was well.
To really smooth things over, I had her young soon come up later in the show to pull a sword from my throat. The whole family had a great time and returned later in the day to watch again.

But they sat in the back!